"The feverish pace of the thrusting quickened, and within seconds their bodies exploded in simultaneous ecstasy."
Such is the ideal so often portrayed in film or print. The reality is that very few couples ever experience simultaneous orgasms during intercourse. There are a number of reasons for this. Although statistics vary from study to study, and change over time, it is generally thought that at 65 percent of all sexually active women in the Western World have never experienced an orgasm during vaginal intercourse, simultaneous or otherwise.
Although vaginal stimulation might be pleasurable, the walls of the vagina have few nerve endings. The old controversy surrounding vaginal versus clitoral orgasms was settled in the late '70s and early '80s. The vast majority of orgasmic women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to climax. The majority of positions of intercourse, however, do not afford women with sufficient stimulation of this small, but very sensitive, organ.
To further complicate matters, approximately 10 percent of all sexually active women have yet to experience even their first orgasm, irrespective of the site of stimulation.
https://squidoo.com/how-to-give-her-an-orgasm" target="_blank">Orgasm come much easier for most men than for most women, and that means that the male sexual response is also responsible, in part, for the difficulty in reaching simultaneous orgasms. Women typically need steady clitoral stimulation for a longer period of time than men need steady penile stimulation. Despite the desire of many men to be able to thrust rapidly and steadily for 30 minutes, the average young male, with unbroken thrusting, will ejaculate in from 2 to 3 minutes! This is hardly enough time for most women to make it!
As mentioned, there is also a problem with the usual coital positions couple use. In the male superior position, a man is likely to make long rapid thrusts. If he is low between his partner's legs, every time he pulls back he will lose contact with her clitoris. On the return stroke, he makes a straight shot into her vaginal canal, the opening of which is an inch or more below the desired target. Putting the woman's ankles on his shoulders will roll her hips up and back and move her clitoris ever further away from the thrusting male member. Thrusting in the rear entry position ("doggie style") misses the clitoris completely.
One of the obvious things about the male sexual response is that the more active he is, the quicker he is likely to ejaculate. If a couple assumes that his hard fast thrusting is the key to her reaching orgasm during intercourse, they will frustrate each other. The harder he tries to please her, the faster he will orgasm. She is likely to accuse him of coming too fast and he is probably going to blame her for being too slow!
Just as soon as someone writes about the "majority" or men or women, there will be readers who will disagree. OK then, if you are a woman who reliably reaches orgasms in every conceivable coital position, this article is not for you. If you are a man who can thrust rapidly and nonstop for 30 minutes, you might not want to read https://squidoo.com/how-to-give-her-an-orgasm" target="_blank">this. However, the majority of men are too fast and the majority of women would probably not make it even if their partner could thrust for an hour.
Issues of coital positions are dealt with in detail in two of the books by Dr. Birch. In Male Sexual Endurance Dr. Birch suggests positions in which men tend to last longer. Along with coauthor and sex therapist Cynthia Ruberg, Dr. Birch looks at each position in Pathways to Pleasure and critiques them in terms of clitoral stimulation. The bad news is that men ejaculate most rapidly and women are least likely to orgasm in the most commonly used position... "missionary style." Ways to fine tune the typically used positions are recommended in these books and goes beyond the scope of this article.
The question at hand is, how can a couple increase the likelihood of experiencing simultaneous orgasms?
Let's review:
- There are some women who do not orgasm at all.
- Most orgasmic women do not orgasm during intercourse at all, let alone in synch with their partner's.
- Most women need direct clitoral stimulation in order to experience orgasm.
- Most men ejaculate in a short period of time than is required for women.
- The more actively a man is thrusting, the quicker he is likely to come.
- Most positions of intercourse work well for a man, but are ineffective in bringing a woman to climax.
Here is my proposal... and my rationale. Many women who have difficulty reaching orgasm can do so with the stimulation of a vibrator. In fact, many women did not experience their first orgasm until the tried a vibrator. Indeed, many women have discovered they can have multiple orgasms with vibrator stimulation. My point: Vibrators are effective!
One of the nicest positions of intercourse in which a man can relax (and last longer) is the "scissors position." A photograph of this position reveals that it is also a nice position in which a woman can hold a vibrator on her clitoris! Thus, the scissors position wins the grand prize in my book when it comes to increasing the likelihood of realizing that ideal... https://squidoo.com/how-to-give-her-an-orgasm" target="_blank"> Simultaneous orgasms.
In this position the man can lie there and watch his partner's face and body. He can reach over and caress her breasts. More importantly, however, he can thrust a little, relax a little, move a little, and just soak a little... delaying his orgasm as his partner builds toward hers. He will quickly learn the physical signs of his partner reaching her peak, at which time he can being thrusting rapidly. Most men can easily catch up, and they can orgasm together.
Simultaneous orgasms during intercourse are not everyone's goal, for it is also fun to take turns. Other couples express the need for simultaneous orgasms though mutual oral stimulation. There will also be female readers who do not want to use a vibrator and male readers who feel threatened by a toy. However, if simultaneous orgasms during intercourse are your goal, the use of the scissors position and the employment of an electric vibrator might just be your pathway to synchronized ecstasy.
©Robert W. Birch, Ph.D.
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